I can tell you that I am genuinely happy but I can also tell you not everyday is easy.
Some days go smoothly. On these days I'm super positive, happy and my day seems to match what I hoped it would be like. I'm happy, cheerful, I have no worries what so ever and life couldn't be any better!
Other days are rough, really rough. They are hard to get through, hard to be positive about. These days I find myself praying a lot more than I typically would. I find myself on my knees praying for guidance, praying for others, praying for my daughter and praying for myself. I've always had anxiety from as far back as I can remember. Most of the time my anxiety is all about the unknown. Sometimes it's about decisions I've made in the past, things that I wish I could change but obviously can't.
Since becoming a Mother, my anxiety hasn't gotten worse or better but it is now about other things. I hate not being able to see into the future. I wonder if I am making the right decisions, if I'm good enough to other people and how my daughter will be as she gets older. The unknown is terrifying for me.
Talking to God, venting about my problems and my worries seems to always change how the day is going. It's a sense of relief because I know he is always there and he is always listening. I no longer wonder why bad things happen, that is out of my control. But my worry, my anxiety about the unknown future really get's to me some days. I know that God has my life mapped out already. I know that what is meant to be will be by his hands but I have a hard time with this.
I know that I am not alone with these feelings. The thing is that you have to take life one day at a time. I have yet to master how to do this but I certainly try my best. I want to share three books that I use to get through these rough days, the days that feel as if they will never end, the days when my worry get's me down.
These books genuinely help me become a better person, get all of my worries off of my mind and onto pages and into God's ears. I use these books to write, read and vent as if I am talking straight to God. I hope they benefit you as much as they have benefited me!
Tiny Buddha's Worry Journal: written by Lori Deschene
I use this journal to write in. It's designed specifically for those who worry and those with anxiety. It reminds us that worry and anxiety are a normal part of life but that it doesn't have to control our life! It includes prompts, coloring pages, questions to ask yourself and answer, pages to work through specific worry and help find solutions to our problems.
Resisting Happiness: written by Matthew Kelly
This is a short read and if you like reading you could finish it pretty quickly. It's 186 pages about "why we sabotage ourselves, feel overwhelmed, set aside our dreams, and lack the courage to simply be ourselves...and how to start choosing happiness again." This is hands down the best "self help" book I've ever read. Now I need to tell you that this is a Catholic based book but anyone can read it! There's a lot of writing about resisting God, why you shouldn't resist God, etc. (just to give you a heads up). This book changes me everytime I read it. I love hearing that it's possible to live everyday freely and that one day I will get there!
The Better Mom Devotional: written by Ruth Schwenk
I read this devotional everyday. This devotional will help you give yourself grace as you grow in wisdom. It's based around motherhood challenges, anxiety, inadequacy, and mom guilt. 100 devotions of scripture help you discover how God uses Motherhood to change you from the inside out, intentional ways to deepen your faith, the true calling of motherhood and the life giving impact of honest, loving friendships. Trust me, 1 devotion a day will give you what you need to get through those tough, challenging days!
Go ahead and get yourself one of these books! Whether you like writing out your feelings, reading deep into self-help or reading short devotionals that will change your day, one of them is for you! Seriously, I think we all have a bit of anxiety and some of us have more anxiety than others. Don't let your worry change you, change your day or your mood! There's a solution. You don't have to stay that way! Let me know if you try one of these books and what you think about it! Or if you already have one of them let me know what your thoughts are!
Remember, you're doing an amazing job!