I have 3 more days left to spend with my girl and my pup before I go back to work full time. I'm so fortunate that I've been able to be home for 6 months. It's given me so much time to get to know my girl and even through the not so great times, I wouldn't change a single second of it. Instead of counting down the days this week, I've been trying to get as much cuddling as I possibly can with Johanna. I think it's safe to say the mom guilt is setting in a bit and it's been hard not to count down the days. While I'm super excited about going back to work, I know a lot will change very fast. It's almost like I'm preparing for a huge storm. Not trying to use storm in a negative way but I know it will be full speed ahead once Monday hits. Our routine will change dramatically and while I hope it becomes a norm quickly I know it will be difficult to get used to.
The past 6 months flew by quickly but truth be told 6 months is a long time to adjust to something new. Our days pretty much consist of cuddles, lots of picture and video taking, naps, walks, playing together, reading together, cooking, feeding, pumping and more snuggles. These things will still be a huge part of our life and days but just not as much. I think about how some of these things will slowly dwindle to where we no longer do them (except the picture taking and snuggles of course). Life changes all the time and it's hard not to think about them while preparing for them at the same time. I can be very stubborn, hard on myself and dramatic about things but I am trying to stay as level headed as possible for Johanna's sake. I want her to feel like this is just another thing we're doing and get used to it quickly. I know she knows I'm her Mama and I know that wont change just because I'm not spending every waking moment with her. I want her to know that every decision I make is done with her in mind. I want her to know how hard I work for her to have a beautiful life and part of that is going back to work full-time. This example that I'm setting for her will absolutely pay off in the future. I know that going back to work full-time will give her stability, routine and a social life. Not to mention it will give me more of a social life as well! I want Johanna to recognize that her Mama doesn't want to be away from her ever but it is a healthy and natural part of life.
When she grows up she will know that being an adult means working for the things you want and need. It means leaving your baby with people you trust so that they will have the things they want and need. My biggest hope is that she recognizes independence and the importance of responsibility. Possibly, through her Mama working full-time and taking great care of her she'll learn these things. I sit here thinking about our schedule, where she will be on each day, the times I do things with her, what we will do when we get home each day, what we will do on the day's I'm off, etc, etc. It is a lot to take in and think about. I'd rather have these things prepared ahead of time so that we can fall into a new way of life. I hope she can adjust appropriately and I hope I can too! I also think about our pup who is now used to us being home with her all the time! Her life and schedule will change also and she is not exactly the biggest fan of change.
I've got things prepared for her as best as I can! She gets a lot of anxiety with change and a lot of separation anxiety when I am gone for long periods of time. Now she will need to learn to adjust with 2 people being gone. I know Cookie is always safe here at home and I'm sure she will get used to our new routine as well. Just like preparing for changes with Johanna, I do the same for Cookie. Preparing her means adjusting her feeding times, giving her lots of love, consistent walks (which can be hard to do), plenty of treats prepared to leave while I'm gone and making sure her medications are filled! A lot of people think “she's a dog” but she is our family, my first daughter. I'm so proud of how she has adjusted to Johanna’s arrival and I know I will be proud of her for being able to adjust to Mama going back to work and Johanna going to daycare. I'll need you guy's help these next couple of weeks while we get used to our new routine!