Updated: Aug 13
As Mom's we all have the same goal, right? To keep the tiny humans alive? I often see a lot of posts about Mom shaming. I have been shamed, my friends have been shamed and I've seen people I don't even know being shamed. For some reason, this is has become such a "thing" and as I sit here writing this I wonder, what about our children?
I think that Mom shaming comes from a lot of different things including being bored, being angry, jealous, struggling with your own identity, being overwhelmed or even being exhausted. But you see, nothing on this list has anything to do with our children. I think that as Mom's we feel we know what is best and sometimes that rubs off on feeling like knowing what's best for other people and their children. Bottom line is that everyone's situation is like a fingerprint, they are all different and unique in their own ways.
There are so many different choices we make as Mom's and these choices are always what is best for our children. There is a lot of pressure that comes with being a Mom and just because you make a choice that someone else did not make does not mean you are doing things the wrong way. It means you made a choice that is best for you and your child. The pressure of the way we feed our children, the way we get them to sleep, the place they sleep, the people who watch them, the discipline we use, the way we communicate with our children, the routines and activities we have for our children are all judged, shamed and prosecuted. The fact of the matter is there should never be any Mom shaming because at the end of the day there are real consequences for our children.
I did some research on the effects of Mom shaming on our children and here is what I came up with!
Our emotions affect our children's emotions tremendously. The American Pediatric Association agrees that just because children can't talk about their emotions the way that adult's can does not mean they aren't affected by emotions. Amazingly, children can feel energy and emotions even as a newborn. The way that they respond to certain behaviors and feelings can directly be related to the way their caretaker feels. Take for example someone who has been Mom shamed for the way they choose to feed their child. Whether that be breastfeeding or formula. A Mom who is deeply hurt by the shame she feels for her decision can have a tremendous affect on the way their child eats or even how much their child eats.
There could potentially be long term affects on the health of the Mom and the child. Here's why... Mom shaming can effect the confidence that comes with the thousands of decisions we make for our children on a daily basis. Shaming and criticism can have a direct effect on a Mom's ability to make these decisions. They begin thinking that they should make the same decision that person who shamed them made. But in the long run this may not be the right decision for their child!
Older children who understand what Mom shaming is could potentially start listening to the shaming. It then has a direct effect on the relationship between the child and the Mom. The child could then begin thinking that their Mom isn't doing the right thing and BAM there is a problem created! It could pose doubts in the child about their Mom's parenting technique. Have you ever seen or heard a child say something like, "Well my friend's Mom said it's okay so how come you won't let me do it?" Yeah, that is in a sense Mom shaming when it is said in a negative form in front of a child at a tender age,
It takes a village to raise a child or children! I will be the first to admit that! I keep my support system very tight and get my advice from people very close to me and very close to Johanna. It is important that the people you listen to know your child, your home situation and you! It would make no sense for you to listen or feel guilt or worry about things people say to you about the way you are raising your child when they don't even know you. At the end of the day, you know what is best for your child! You know which decisions are the best decisions for them. If you are guilty or Mom shaming, stop doing it because it truly has an affect on our children!