Updated: Aug 13
My fear of the unknown is really getting to me these days! I know that it is because of COVID 19 and all of the ugly things that it could possibly bring in the future. I am doing my best to think positive thoughts and get through everyday one day at a time! Although my job is essential and I am still working, COVID 19 has brought some big changes to our lives. My biggest fear is that Johanna will regress in all of the things I’ve deemed important in her life, all of the things we work so hard to instill in our children, all of the things we do for them to make sure they are happy and comfortable and all of the things we started working on but had to stop because of COVID 19. I want to share all of these worries with you in hopes to shed some light and remind you that you are not alone! I’ve added some positive thoughts that seem to help me change my thinking! I only hope it helps you too!
My fear: Johanna will forget what church is like and how to celebrate through physical mass. Johanna has been a member of our Parish since she was a newborn. She certainly has her moments but all in all she is wonderful during mass. It can be so hard to get a toddler to sit still or “behave” during mass but she has learned so well. I fear that she will no longer understand or remember that behavior.
Positive thought: She will learn how to spend time with God alone and celebrate virtually should church ever be closed again during her lifetime. She will know that you don’t have to physically attend mass in order to maintain a relationship with God. I will learn new techniques on teaching her about appropriate behavior during mass (mostly consists of bribery and food thus far). Maybe she won’t forget at all and we will be able to pick up right where we left off!
My fear: Johanna will forget about her friends and teachers at daycare. She has not been to daycare since March 18. I worry that she is thinking she will never go there again. I worry that she will forget how to behave at daycare. I worry that she will lose her relationships with the people at daycare.
Positive thought: She gets to spend so much more time with her Grandparents who love her endlessly. When she does go to daycare again she will love the people she missed even more because we all know absence makes the heart grow fonder. She will have missed her friends and teachers so much her heart will be filled with so much love!
My fear: She will forget about saying hi to people in public. With all of the social distancing happening it seems that no one wants to talk to each other or even look at each other anymore (I completely understand). It is important to me that Johanna care about other people and acknowledge the presence of other people. I don’t want her to adapt to the new norm of not even looking at other people anymore.
Positive thought: She won’t get sick!!!! I guess she will learn how to distance herself from people, but I can teach her that it’s not necessary to be close to communicate or show acknowledgment. She is a quick learner so I think it will all be fine!
My fear: Johanna will get used to me washing my hands before I greet her when I pick her up from work. I'm sure she was used to me running straight to her and being extra dramatic when I picked her up. Now, she seems pretty used to me heading to the sink before I even greet her. That makes me so sad. I want her to know that I missed her during the day.
Positive thought: Eh. This actually took a lot of thought for me…. How can I make this into a positive when all I want to do after a long day of work is pick her up and love on her?! I came up with the thought that I’m teaching her how to prevent the spread of germs, that I’m teaching her how important washing your hands is and I’m teaching her cleanliness. That’s the best I could do with this one. It really hurts my heart.
My fear: We will start spending less and less time together. Since Johanna’s daycare is closed I am driving her to my parents house when I go to work. Typically, we are home with enough time to spend together and then start winding down for dinner, bath and bed. These past few weeks have been rough because the drive is so much longer. By the time we get home, its past her bedtime. That means we rush to walk Cookie, make dinner, take a bath, read a book and then it’s bedtime! I wake up feeling like a shitty Mom and missing my daughter when she’s right in front of me….
Positive thought: I have 3 days off every week and I can spend those days with her loving her and making up for the lost hours. I also know that she will understand my role in the community and the fact that I am still working will let her know how strong her Mama is! It is very hard to be working through all of this and finding the balance is no easier. But I know that she will be so proud of me when she gets older and she will understand how hard I work for her.
I am grateful that she is at a tender age where she doesn’t understand any of this. My hope is that she doesn’t regress in any of these categories. If you’re feeling the same way that I am about this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I am sure that my fear list will grow even longer by the time this is all over and I know there are others out there who have more valid fears than I do. You’ll have to take all of those fears and switch them up somehow, someway. Let’s get through this together and pray that our children do too! For now, we will continue our walks while practicing social distancing and our Easter activities in quarantine to get through the Lenten Season!